About...Confidence

[ptarmigan1]

There is nothing worse when it comes to riding then loosing your confidence. You could be an Olympic rider, or your horse/pony a grand champion, but if you have lost your confidence those things are meaningless. There could be a number of reasons why you have lost your confidence such as...
Experiencing/wittnessing a riding accidnet or starting to ride again after a long period.
Maybe you dont know the reason (like myself)

Confidence is the worst thing to loose, no-one can tell you to just get it back.
No-one can say it will all be ok.

Confidence is all in the mind. We need learn to believe in ourselfs, and our horses.

The end!

Sorry for any spelling mistakes

i will be adding tips on to this every week, tips to help you belive in your self. i will get them from asking people around my yard, and how they gained back their confidence if it was ever lost.

I hope this will someday in the future help you.

;D

( as you properly guessed, i would love to write for a horsey mag)

[suzii]

ahaha great idea! You should ask if you could pin it or something so it doesn't get lost! I read your other post on not riding as well.

I get abit nervous out hacking, well often very nervous. So will be reading!

That wouldn't be a bad job would it? Anything to do with horses would be good!

[ceej]

what a lovely idea.

Would you mind if I put this in FAQ's and pinned it to the top - It is probably one of the most re-occuring issues!! I coudl write a book on the topic! Although I am nowhere near there yet!

[ceej]

Dec 2, 2008 21:45:59 GMT ptarmigan1 said:

Confidence is all in the mind. We need learn to believe in ourselfs, and our horses.

and, as Rainie has just made me twig, also in security of your seat....

[hollyvj]

ooh great idea. May I add a bit though?

I lost my confidence a couple of years ago, not only my riding confidence, but the confidence that I could look after a horse at all.

The lady I bought Oscar off liveried at the same yard as me. A few months after I'd had Oscar, her daughter (whom he originally belonged to) realised that selling him was a big mistake. So she said she wanted him back. By then we had bonded and he was everything I wanted. Plus he was legally mine and I did not have to sell him back if I didn't want to. So I said "no".

Its then that the attacks started. The mother was caught feeding him up on oats, letting him out of his stable and the daughter would take him out for a ride if she felt like it. Also I received many abusive messages saying that I was incapable of riding (he was loopy because of the oats) of keeping him safe (she was the one that was letting him out and blaming me). The pick of the bunch came when she text me saying that I was going to kill him through my incompetence. Which cut deep, very deep. I broke down in tears, and my dad stormed off to see YO (noone had any idea this happening, appart when she was caught with oats and letting him out). She was kicked off he yard that week, never to be seen again.

But she'd left my confidence in tatters. I believd I was the worlds worst rider and owner in the world. But with the help of my horse and my friends I realised that all this was untrue and I came out with my confidence stronger than ever.

The moral: Never ever let anyone destroy your belief and confidence in what you enjoy and love....

Hope this has helped anyone.

Ptarmigan1 I hope it was ok to post his on your thread

Holly x

[ptarmigan1]

of course its ok, thankyou for the contribution!

Ceej, yes that would be brillient, would love to help you with the book lol

[ptarmigan1]

Hey guys, thought i might as well share it now, but got back from yard about half an hour ago.

Here goes, tip number 1 ( cough cough)

You have proberly got all kinds of advice from your friends, they may have said " Go back to your comfort zone, take small steps, work on your breathing and go from their" Etc... Its all VERY good advice, and if you have not tried these suggestions, then i advise you should. But in most cases, they just are not enough.

Today, a fellow horsey friend told me this motto...
" If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!"

You can only regain your confidence, if you decide now to make a change. You have already taken the fisrt step by reading this.

You can stop fear in the saddle greatly, by something VERY powerful and guess what? You already own it!
Its your imagination!
Learning to activate the imagination can increase relaxation and become a powerful confidence building tool. The use of guided imagery will give you the ability to imagine in realistic detail the outcome you desire. Through imagery, you can rehebottom and imagine your seat, legs, hand position, shoulders, breathing and even yourself smiling! You don't even have to go to the barn for your sessions! You can do this, at home, lying on your bed.

As we ask for and get the desired response from our horse repeatedly, our confidence builds. Lack of confidence comes from our imagining getting a response other than what we ask. That may sound like an over-simplification, but isn't it true? . . . . Think about it

[Blonde Donkey]

the only way i got my confidence back was saying" this mare is great and i gotta prove myself with her" yes savs is not the easiest in the world but i had to keep on pushing her and me that little bit further everytime even if it was an extra circuit in canter or 2 metres down the scary part of the arena. it worked for me and when i actually can start getting her going properly we are going to have to conquer the fear of the sparrows
also sing a song - aerosmith/ don't wanna miss a thing works for me everytime

[zara]

I've had / still having problems with confidence, I had hypnotherapy and it did help Zx

[rainbow]

I think i have generally alot of confidence issue or rather a lack of it, not just in the horsey world.

One big issue i got now is with big horses that are likly to rear or be a bit scatty with leading. This is down to that i was asked by a girl tat works on the yard i was doing work experience to lead a big 16.2 around the outdoor school (bear in mind im only 5foot ) she said he wouldnt do anything and is very good. which i was ok in doing i didnt mind back then what i lead round.


But trouble was it was a very windy so when got into the school it all started he was bucking and rearing at me. he even hit my arm but luckly it was a cold day so had multiple layers on otherwise that would of hurt. Bu that knocked my confidence with leading so much.

I have issues with big jumps but was discussing this with my mate that once i start jumping more regualrly i think that will help.

I also have big issues with talking to new ppl in general btu only i really can help myself with that one i guess

so i think i havent really got any advice just wanted to share my lack of confidence issues lol

[duckles]

Hollyvj- I just can't believe anyone could be so mean- that is borderline psychotic behaviour- and not even that borderline- I can see why it affected your confidence.
Ptarmigan, this is a very interesting post. It seems to me that confidence and being nervous aren't necessarily the same thing. Confidence whether as regards riding or anything does seem to be more or a mental attitude and nerves a kind of physical response. For some strange reason, until recently, I was always quite confidenct with horses and with riding although I have had the full range of awful experiences - rearing, bucking, kicking, biting, bolting. But I always felt that horses are genuine and not out to get you and they had a reason for their behaviour. Equally, I had confidence in myself to cope with things and believed that patience and hard work and dedication would make me a good horsewoman. So despite a lot of knocks and a few episodes where I would get nervous- I was ok.
Because I was upbeat and had a great desire to be a good rider and do things and really enjoyed myself, I achieved a fair amount of success and got to do loads with all sorts of horses. In hindsight I was extremely lucky to have had this mental attitude. I believe that being confident enabled me to do things which increased my confidence so I could do more and it all snowballed. It also helped me in loads of other areas of my life and with people (and rainbow- talking to people does get easier with practise and age)
ALas I have changed completely and I don't even know why- I have lost my confidence in horses and in myself. Its weird and horrible and I wish it would change. I am not particularly nervous riding- I just have no confidence in my ability to cope with anything and I don't trust horses any more. So I don't do things and I become even less confident and kind of despise myself. It could be becasue of other things in my life (none of it very rosy at the moment). Or could be a series of knock upon knock. ITs quite recent.
I am thinking of going for lessons somewhere new or something like that to try and change things.

anyway- enought of that. Things that I used to find helpful with confidence
1. Doing something harder than you have to do ie if you were doing an 80cm show, jump a 90cm at home.
2. Being confidence in you seat and in your balance does help so lunge lessons or work without stirrups
3.a lot of us have more of a competitive streak than we admit to, so sometimes doing something competitive can make us do things we normally wouldn't- which can help confidence
4.Fun things - like hacking with friends (and I mean nice encouraging friends) or doing a pub ride or beach ride
5. Alcohol- can be a quick fix!! (Especially in this cold weather)
6. Nothing to beat a good instructor, praise earned from someone good really boosts the confidence
7. I think it is really important to be positive about yourself and your abilities and have a healthy ambition to improve and know that it is possible- likewise to have trust and faith in your horse. If visualisation of NPL or hypotherapy help with these - then go for them. I think everyone responds a bit differently to different tecniques
8. enjoy what you are doing. I think it is the real secret of success- love your horse whatever his ability and appreciate how lucky you are to be able to ride- millions of people never have had this oppertunity. And you are a good rider, even if you don't like jumping or can't do a flying change or faint at the thought of bucking, - you can do some things really well, you love doing them and want to do even better.

AND Finally if you can
9. Leave everything behind you when you are with your horse, - your horrible day, your broken heart, the real or imagined criticisms of everyone around you- Just concentrate on the moment. ANd if you are feeling low in yourself, do something easy like a favourite hack or long reining or whatever is most stress free and enjoyable

10. Jumping tip (really works) Never look at the jump, just the spot in front- at the end of the day, you are not jumping it- you are just balancing on the horses back.

I hope some of these help.

[fleabitten]

I agree; you could be the best rider in the world but if you have no confidence...

When I feel down or worried I think about horses and it just makes me feel calmer and more focused; although when horse riding is worrying me I get a bit lost then!

[brigadier]

Great post- really helpful.
Holly- that is an awful story and Im glad youre past that experience- not all horse people are nice are they? Glad all of the good ones are on this site!

[spotti]

Ptarmigan, I think you will make an ace writer some day. You're so objective and encouraging...maybe you could do horsey articles and a bit of an agony-aunt type thing on the side??

And this thread just sums up The Paddocks - a few simple words from a person who has gone out of their way to help others...I love it I personally learn so much from these kinds of threads, that even if the topic doesn't affect me now, it usually does later on in life and its nice to know how to cope as and when it does occur.

As for confidence, I've not really got any tips other than trust the horse you're riding. After all, if you don't trust him/her then how is he/she supposed to put his/her trust in you? A horse and rider should be a partnership. On equal grounds. To truely enjoy eachother you have to trust eachother...isn't that how we get on with everything else in life? I mean, you wouldn't let a complete stranger take you places you'd never been before would you? Whereas you'd trust your family/OH/friends to look after you. And the reason for the difference? Trust. It really does amazing things for your confidence.

As for confidence losing stories, I have nothing major to share, just a few close-shaves!

Anyone from the old YH forum (who has a good memory lol) will remember the issues I had with Faith and her bolting up the road away from a car, almost colliding with a learner driver on the way before finally stopping when turned to face a brick wall too high to jump.
Well, that seriously knocked my confidence and had it not been for you guys saying that it takes time to build trust in each other then I wouldn't still be around horses, let alone still have her!!
When the time came that we were both feeling ready to try again, we did so in a safe environment with other people on hand and over-the-top protective gear on. After seeing that she actually wasn't out to kill me, she was just really really scared at the time then my confidence slowly came back to me.
I think it was when her spavins were diagnosed and I actually couldn't ride her that my confidence blossomed. We had to do A LOT of in-hand walking and groundwork, which builds trust in ways I never thought possible.

So I had confidence with her for a while.

Then she had the chiropractor out for her pelvis. I was told to get her in work so we we could work on getting her muscles strong enough to hold her pelvis in the right place. Well!! As hard as I tried, the more I was knocked back! She reared, bucked, napped, bolted - you name it, she did it. Luckily, I still had this new found confidence in her so none of that bothered me.

Then she got flat, sore feet.

Bought boots.

All went well for a while until she broke them. No riding for a few weeks while I got some new ones sorted...which was far more difficult than necessary! Turns out that all the boots we tried were either too big, too small, not available or just plain wrong.

No more riding for a while.

Then she got strangles. No more riding or anything for about 2 months.

Then we came to uni. Started riding. After 3 days she put her pelvis out AGAIN so no riding for another month or so until we could get home so the chiro could come and sort her out.

All was going well until we tried to load up to come back to uni when Faith lost all confidence in me and became terrified of the trailer - and I mean terrified, I've never seen her so scared. It took us 2 1/2 hours to calm her down enough to realise that the trailer wasn't quite as scary as she thought it was, but in that time she ran in and out of the trailer sooooooo many times, often pulling me with her/squashing me against the wall as she ran past that I almost lost all confidence in me aswell. I thought I was incapable of doing anything right, and after being squashed for the umpteenth time and feeling like I'd broken a rib, I just broke down and cried. I don't even think I was crying for the pain, more for the bond I thought I'd lost with my pony. That was when she came over and nuzzled my arm and stood at my shoulder, allowing me to cry into her neck, as if to say "It's ok. It'll all be alright". After that she walked straight in, albeit shaking from head to foot (and she wasn't the only one), and let us shut the doors and bring her back here.

Never before have I understood the importance of a trusting relationship before that day. And never again will I doubt it.

(Actually, I seem to have bit of a confidence issue looming...loading Faith up next week to take her home again. I'm trying to remain calm about it but god only knows that I'm terrified inside! I just really hope that she will trust me again and go without a fuss... )

[spotti]

Forgot to mention that loss of confidence can occur on both sides - so the importance of a trusting partnership between horse and rider has never been so important!

[suzii]

haven't read all of this yet cause there is alot of it! I do agree with the imagery thing though. When I was on abit of a down, I imagined how I'd like to be out hacking and how it would feel. This made me want to do it REALLY badly! The next time I went out I tried to act the way I imagined it and me and Sprite became alot more relaxed So very good tip

[cazza]

great thread very interisting to hear all your storys
the only thing thats helped my regain my confidence since having a 7 year break is being in group class, not wanting to be the worst rider of the class i push myself to do things even if im sh!ting myself inside i say i will do it show these others you can do it and that your good at it, it works for me

[ptarmigan1]

Thankoyu SOOO much for all your stories and advice, its making my job alot easier!!!!!

I have only had a little chat with a lady from my stables about this matter. ( As i have got the flu)
The lady i spoke to got her confidence back by reading an article. The article was about a women whom had a car accidenct, and was unable to ride, or even run as an affect of her injurys. She thought if that happened to her the next day, or even at all, how upsetting it would be to want to do all these ambitious things, and those ambitions just being taken away. She said she immediatly started riding like it was her sesssion and moments with her horse! She now laughs at every spook, stop, and incident on a hack or the yard.

I would like you to just sit very still for a few moments and imagine that you can never ride your beloved pet again, make a list of the things you would regret, and the things you our proud of.

Take your regret list, take the top one, and , if possible, even if its the easier route, try and acheive. If you can do it once, you can do it again. If you feel you can't do it once, then please for your sake, try harder.

Sorry its not much guys! i been busy and ill

xx

[duckles]

Good point ptarmigan

[spotti]

*tootles off to make a regret list*

[granniesboy]

I have a big confidence issue with my horse. nerves get the better of me. He's not happy on the road atall so i,ve stoped hacking him out for both our sakes. I felt i was really loosing my ability. But this last week i rode a completly strange horse out on the roads. who was much bigger and stronger than mine and galloped him on the beach. I did not have one single wobbly moment, felt completly relaxed and totaly enjoyed myself. I realised i am not a nervous rider just nervous of my own horse. Now i must take that new feeling and apply it to my own circumstances. May be this will be the turning point for us.

[dannyboy]

Any quick fix tips welcome - I really need to sort myself out & fast ;D My lack of confidence is lack of experience but I do struggle with nerves too - always waiting for something to go wrong or have lack of trust in my horse and my ability.

[Blonde Donkey]

ok first you have to find out what it is that freaks you out - mine is jumping and the idea of being out of control of my body even for a split second scares the hell out of me it's like i'm literally putting my life in savs hooves cos anything could happen. I just think to myself if i have done it before then i can do it again easily, if i haven't done it before then i need to go for it and trust savs because she knows whats she's doing.
Also some people forget to breathe (silly i know but it happens) you need to think breathe and make sure you do the action as well. Talking or Singing helps me lots and i have said before the best songs for me are Aerosmith - Don't Wanna miss a thing and Lonestar - Already There (does make me cry though so helps with the breathing
The best advice though is to go at your own pace - i felt college were pushing me too far too quickly and my confidence fell rapidly but my fad RI lets me set the speed of my learning and if i say "i would rather not do that right now" then she will accept it but will always ask me to do it again when she feels i have control over my mind and confidence she will try me again. I think the best thing to do is to have a go and then come and whinge at us if it goes wrong and celebrate with us when it goes right.
Have fun Danny boy i wish you all the best of luck

[fleabitten]

Im not sure if my problem is lack of confidence or nerves. Ive got the ability to ride well - ive ridden horses that bolt, sharp horses, done XC, galloped in the field, in the past.

But now, i couldnt bear the thought of it - even horses that spook a bit or take off on me or go too fast, makes me go paralysed with fear and i cant move in the saddle. Although, i try to take control of it and detach my mind so i dont feel anything and just sit there and let the horse go at whatever speed they want. Or i might get determined - if the pony is trotting faster, i will be like 'you are not going to take off and scare me even more!' and i will be firm even though im shaking like a leaf.

I really enjoy riding slowly, cantering slowly especially. I used to love jumping when I was first introduced to it and then my RI asked if we wanted to jump bigger one day. Of course I was like 'yeah!'. Then i saw the height of it and i thought 'shes not expecting us to jump that is she?' and i got really scared. The pony ran out twice which made me even more nervous and when i did jump it I fell off afterwards.

When i first started riding, a pony i was on took off at a canter and i fell off and got winded. I didnt go back for a few years - i always wanted to go back but i was too scared.

When I had Connie, my confidence grew and near the time of her death I was riding those horses i mentioned at the top. After Connie died, i began to get more nervous - maybe it was because i was trying out ponies to buy. When i got Princess, everything just fell apart. I wasnt ready for a pony like her. In the past year ive been shaking and crying on the horse, which is pretty embarrassing but i cant help it, i get so scared.

Like somebody else that posted here, my lack of confidence has affected my life in general too. It could be a combination of Connies death, and getting Princess... I just get so nervous.

Hopefully i can get confident again - ive never been confident but just so i can enjoy it

[racaille]

I have only one tip for nerves/confidence issues but it works for me. It's the 'whole picture' that freaks me out, so I break things down into little pieces. (Bear with me, I'll explain.)

I used to be the supremely confident youngster that many of us were but time and responsibility can erode that. I used to be thrilled by SJ competitions, but as years went by I found I was getting more and more panicky. If my trainer suggested I did a course of 'higher' jumps I'd bottle it. So now I always say: I'll just do the first one. If it goes OK, I do the next one. And so on. I can usually do a whole course now, just 'one at a time'. But sometimes I call it a day after a couple - or even just the first if I think it's gone very well. But I try never to end the session on a poor note - it just increases the stress for next time.

It's time I started hacking Racaille out on his own now. But I'm really very nervous as he is behaving very naughtily at the moment: he's fit and a bit big for his young boots. So I was sh!tting myself at the thought of a hack. So I've broken it down into a little bits: a hack doesn't have to be a long one. I will start with a little walking tour around the outside of the club. He will shout a lot, I know, but I won't be so far away that it will freak me out. I'm not setting a date for it as I don't want that feeling of dread to have something concrete to cling to. I will do it when the weather is nice, I am relaxed and it feels right. The next time I will go a little bit further.

If I don't do it this way the confidence mountains I have to climb are just too much for me. But I can manage molehills ;D