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Post by racaille on May 7, 2008 9:00:59 GMT
As the unrivalled queen of confidence crises/panic attacks/debilitating nerves I feel uniquely qualified to start this thread. I have no solutions other than not to compete in front of people you know (it works for me ;D) but I do see this is highly impractical. So get going with confidence-giving tips, peeps!  |
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arumanii
Apprentice Poo Picker
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Post by arumanii on May 7, 2008 9:49:51 GMT
Confidence 4 me is just not caring that it all goes wrong n having a good laugh (and a padded bottom) for when it does! So long as neither you or the horse end up stressed about it you can always have another go another day.
Have also often done law revision when going round a course I was nervous of as it completely takes ur mind of it and lets you loosen up and react rather than anticipate.
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Post by aimee on May 7, 2008 10:01:40 GMT
The main think I get nervous about is jumping. The key for me is to start really low then build it up throughout the lesson. As you go over each jump your confidence gets higher along with the jump, and by the end of the lesson you are jumping 2 foot odd! So much better than entering the school and facing a big scary jump straight away! Also singing works for me. If your nervous most people frget to breathe without even realsising it, that makes you tense up and so your horse senses something is not quite right so he tenses up too...singing keeps you breathing and relaxed!  |
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Post by maximum on May 7, 2008 11:29:01 GMT
Breathing!! as you get nervous the breaths you take become shallower so you get less oxygen in your system which can cause the 'weak legs' feeling you get. Breathe from the base of your diaphragm and ensure that the breath you take in is as deep as the breath you have out.
singing and talking to the horse can help with this.
Depending on what you are actually lacking in confidence in ask yourself " do i actually have to do this?"
say jumping terrifies you and you feel sick and really dont want to do it then why do it? work away on trotting poles and eventually try a small jump at the end of a line of poles and slowly work your way up BUT if even that makes you feel sick etc then why do it?
Riding is about fun and enjoyment and if thats not what you are getting from certain aspects then ask if you really need to cave in to peer pressure and do it.
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ceej
Administrator 
im back.... :)
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Post by ceej on May 7, 2008 12:16:00 GMT
Never be pressured into doing something you are not ready for - its much much better to say to people no I dont want to do that, than try and fall flat on your head (twice - as I did...should never haave tried that jump but the rest were and I felt silly)!!! Now I have compressed spine in the base of my neck and get migraines...do they think Im cool? No!!
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Post by Blonde Donkey on May 7, 2008 14:36:04 GMT
when me and savvy went to shows i got really nervous before i went it but then realised i was there and that i was going to do it. throwing myself in at the deep end works well for me but never feel you absolutley have to do something
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Post by zara on May 7, 2008 16:44:01 GMT
Everyone who knows me on here knows about my irrational fear of hacking out! I don't have any tips other than to enlist the help of a good friend and / or instructor who can encourage you, reassure you without pushing you too far out of your comfort zone too quickly and not panic when you are panicking. Sarah bless her deserves a medal for putting up with my out bursts!
I find that I chat constantly when I'm hacking out and I'm sure I bore the pants off my companions but it helps me breathe. I also have to keep reminding myself to relax and not hang onto his mouth as this of course just makes him nervous. Zx
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popsicle
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Post by popsicle on May 7, 2008 17:22:00 GMT
De-Stress tablets from Holland and Barrett. Sorry!! But they are ace!!
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Post by salexis on May 7, 2008 17:53:28 GMT
I find hacking out much more of a big deal than anything else. I am queen of the 'what ifs'.
Someone posted on here (Martine?) about just increasing the amount you go a little bit each time, and then soon you'll be going out all the time without worrying so much, and will forget eventually just what a big deal it was.
Wise words, and reminds me of what my old instructor used to say about going a little bit outside your comfort zone every day, then gradually your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger. (I think this is true for horsey and not horsey elements of life!)
Soooo, taking all this on board I persuaded two people off the yard to go for a hack with me yesterday evening and it was great fun. Moo was well behaved, it did take me a while to pull her up out of canter but she did eventually and then calmed down relatively quickly. It was a beautiful night and I really enjoyed it. First time I'd been out in a few months (Moo gets hacked out all the time by my friend and co-owner), I think Moo was a bit surprised when I didn't just bring her into the school as per usual!
One day the aim is to go out on my own, but for now I am happy enough building my confidence going out with others. Small steps! ;D
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Post by martine on May 7, 2008 20:47:26 GMT
This sounds wonderful, salexisj! I like the comfort zone getting bigger and bigger.
In class, I try to make my pupils react the same way with their oral work For some of them it's so hard to actually dare speak English! So I ask them to make sure they say one thg(without being asked) at each class for a week. And the next week, we'll move on to two and so on. For many of them, it actually works.
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Post by zara on May 8, 2008 5:20:37 GMT
salexisj, WELL DONE! I'm so pleased to hear you went out for a hack. I spent 18 months going round in circles in a school due to my "what if" nerves. Just keep doing little and often and you'll be fine. Sent you a Karma for your bravery Zx
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Post by prasygow on May 8, 2008 6:32:12 GMT
I sent some karma as well Salexis. Well done you.
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suzii
Novice Willy Washer
Officially In Love With A Young Bay Man :D
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Post by suzii on May 8, 2008 20:25:42 GMT
I know this sounds dumb! But its not the falling off element that bothers me! Its just when other people are watching etc, I get paranoid!! I often find myself thinking, to calm myself down, the worst is can happen is you fall off, and thats not that bad!!! (I am mentally mental x 100!!!!)
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Post by brigadier on May 9, 2008 13:21:02 GMT
I had a confidence crisis recently which really suprised me as Ive not really had problems of that nature before. Ive bottled stuff but thats more to do with being realistic about my ability or my horses. for instance Ive jumped stuff hunting on one horse but would never attempt it on another etc.
The recent crisis really got me as I was starting to dread taking Basil out on a hack (we did all our fittening work out hacking) Now this is a horse who (touch wood) so far has not bucked/ reared, or napped badly, his worst thing was napping slghtly on the roads leading to home- perfectly normal baby behaviour.
So I had a long think about it and realised it was because I didnt want to do the wrong thing.
After I lost my other horse tragically last year, I realised I didnt want to make a mistake with Basil as I didnt want to lose him.
I guess why I am putting this on this post is to encourage people to spend time thinking about why they have a confidence crisis and thnk about that logically- you can waste time thinking about worst case scenarios but the likelihood of them happening is extermely small and if they do then there is probably little you can do about it anyhow- I think Im over my wobbles now so it seems to have worked for me.
brig
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ceej
Administrator
im back.... :)
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Post by ceej on May 9, 2008 14:31:20 GMT
I know this sounds dumb! But its not the falling off element that bothers me! Its just when other people are watching etc, I get paranoid!! I often find myself thinking, to calm myself down, the worst is can happen is you fall off, and thats not that bad!!! (I am mentally mental x 100!!!!) I am the same in that the falling off doesnt worry me - its the being out of control - bolting maybe? I learnt to ride on a little bolter - god he bolted with me (leaving the other horses) accross busy main roads, down banks, on the beach - everywhere!! |
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midori
Newbie
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Post by midori on May 9, 2008 21:10:06 GMT
I must admit to being nervous about getting back in the saddle myself, and I also have a 'Catch-22' situation in that I only ride 'side'. So I can't try a horse without a saddle, and I can't really get a saddle till I get the horse! I suppose at a pinch I could try one astride, but I'd surely suffer afterwards!  Actually, I say Horse, but it would be a pony or cob, preferably Ride and drive. A Fell pony would be nice, much as I love Friesians, I think one would be too much for me. Still, at the moment it's academic, until after I move house. Cheers, Midori |
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Post by brigadier on May 9, 2008 21:36:32 GMT
Oh Midori
Freisians are lovely and surely one that is already part schooled wouldnt be too much as long as it was the right one! I would consider side saddle on a freisian. buy one buy one!!!! sending my mind power your way right now...buy buy!
brig
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Post by racaille on May 10, 2008 5:42:21 GMT
I know this sounds dumb! But its not the falling off element that bothers me! Its just when other people are watching etc, I get paranoid!! I often find myself thinking, to calm myself down, the worst is can happen is you fall off, and thats not that bad!!! (I am mentally mental x 100!!!!) Spot on Suzii! This is my problem exactly. I don't really care about the falling off ! I understand what you are saying guys about not not feeling under obligation to do things, but there's a catch. When you get older (  ) you have a tendency to get more anxious and nervous about stuff that years ago you didn't bat an eyelid at. So if you are not careful your comfort zone shrinks. And the less you push yourself to do, the less you want to do! This is what terrifies me, actually, that I could become an old biddy doing nothing. So when I turned 50 I set myself a challenge of 50 things I had to do before I died. They all terrify me, but it's a way of feeling that I am still alive, that I'm not giving in to the sloppy slippers and shawl just yet. I have completed about 20% of the list. All of it terrifies me but the feeling of achievement is fantastic when I can tick off another challenge. I don't want to die thinking 'if only' ... Oops, sorry, this is a weird post .... |
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Post by FirenLady on May 11, 2008 19:52:00 GMT
Ginger biscuits are very good. Only thing i can eat morning of a show without vomiting. |
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Post by FirenLady on May 11, 2008 19:57:17 GMT
I spouse I don't care about falling off too much its the pain! With horse shows i worry Fire will refuse, i wouldn't really care if he did but i always fall off and really really hurt myself! (he has a very dirty runout). Last time i came off at a show i had problem with my right bum bone for about a month. luckily it just came better before the OH was gonna make me go to the doctors |
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Post by fleabitten on May 12, 2008 17:29:29 GMT
ceej - totally agree about the being out of control thing! - i think it was you who said to me once when i posted about Princess - what do you want us to tell you? - and that made me laugh and really think about it.
What helped me a bit was when i was scared to ride Princess and i saw another rider ride their pony and totally enjoyed it and also see other riders riding Princess well and that made me get on her and deal with it.
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Post by spotti on May 16, 2008 22:13:04 GMT
In need of confidence please! I currently dislike Faith with a passion. I am not looking forward to getting back up on her back (last time I was on she vertically reared 5 times in a row, and the last time we rode properly she bolted up the road and wouldn't stop).
Anyone know anything that could help me get over this fear of her going bonkers and me dying?
Oh, and any tips on being brave for hacking? (no where near that yet, but I need to get myself to be brave on the groud before trying to be brave in the saddle).
Help anyone?
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Post by racaille on May 17, 2008 5:11:35 GMT
I am the last person to be giving advice about confidence LOL ;D !
It sounds as though the both of you need a bit of a lift!. If I was in your position I think I would start again right at the beginning and back her again (with your trainer in the new yard). I think it would do wonders for your confidence (and hers) to do just a tiny bit at a time and take away the 'I've got to ride her but she's gonna rear and kill me' totally rational fear!
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Post by spotti on May 17, 2008 9:08:44 GMT
Lol Racaille...so that would be the 3rd time she's been backed (and the second time by me!) I will deffo give it a go though when we get the all clear from the vet and from my doctor and the hospital (if ever that darn place phone up and let me have an appointment! Grrr) and I'll let you know.... Hey, that means we'll get all the 'firsts' again...whoopee! Another excuse for pictures! She was actually nice this morning! I suppose she generally is, until she sees grass or another horse - which is a problem since we're surrounded by them! Oh well. I'll keep up the ground work...maybe get my sister to do a bit with her so its not so much of a chore - plus it might spark my jealous streak and make me want to do it instead! Also see if I can do some stuff with some other horses. Have a change. Build up my confidence again....yeah, that sounds like a plan. Thanks Racaille (you deserve a karma or 2 - will do 2 if I'm on long enough, if not then I'll give you one later  Thank you ) |
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arumanii
Apprentice Poo Picker
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Post by arumanii on May 20, 2008 18:00:35 GMT
Well said, Racaille! You can always start by playing with her on a line or free round the school n just be jumping on n off (not advocating any kind of horsemanship school-think that was all debated on a loooong thread earlier!). Just get to have fun again with each other without worrying that ur supposed to be riding her etc. Make it more about playing with each other and being with each other, independant of whether ur on, off or in mid leap between! With several that I ride I like to just go into their field n run about with them. I'll even play with them in the field with just my hat n boots (n clothing! ) n will be swinging on n off as we run n frolick n some aren't technically broken (but have obviously been brought into the general play gradually)!!! It should improve ur bond with each other n get her looking forwards to you heading off somewhere *together* rather than you both getting stressed at each other. U'll prob find that some fun for both of you actually makes it far more enjoyable when you do start getting on again! Also, it's gr8 fun!!! |
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for so much hard work we thank ye!!
) you have a tendency to get more anxious and nervous about stuff that years ago you didn't bat an eyelid at. So if you are not careful your comfort zone shrinks. And the less you push yourself to do, the less you want to do! This is what terrifies me, actually, that I could become an old biddy doing nothing.
Thank you