What can I do. Update of sorts

[mossh]

Things at home are getting even worse again.
I'm hating it so much, I'm so unhappy right now. I'm getting it off both parents all the time about how useless/fat/pathetic I am and I can't cope with much more.
My dad is going to see a solicitor to get a court order so I have to move out. He doesn't really care where I go or who with. He's already told my family not to let me in because I'm a useless good for nothing who can't keep a job (my place of work went bankrupt, somehow that was my fault!) so I've got no family to go to either now. My mum is backing my dad up saying I'm difficult and hard to live with but how does anyone expect it to be easy? Its bloody not easy living here.

Dad went to hit me but doesn't dare since hes already got a criminal record for violence against me. Plus he knows I can smack him back twice as hard now. Not a good thing I know but I have to defend myself somehow.


I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. I've lost my job and am now probably homeless as well. I'm being made out to be the bad person in all of this but its not just me. I'm fed up of taking the blame in all this.


*UPDATE*
Well apparently I'm being kicked out over the next couple of days! After an horrific night last night and after two days of being slagged off and called names, I am apparently not welcome anymore and my mum finally told me what she thinks of me and now I have to leave. Dad has just spent a good 10 minutes threatening me and calling me names as well and telling me EXACTLY what he thinks of me as well and how I am such a let down and my brothers are perfect (thats a whole new story on my brother and the stuff hes done but thats conveniently forgotten about obviously). The police will be around over the next two days to evict me. Will wait and see if that happens but oh well! Chances are if they get evicted I will never talk to my parents again because quite frankly they don't deserve it!

[Blonde Donkey]

First of all giant hugs, you are not a bad person you are just reacting to a bad situation with difficult people.
I would honestly get out as soon as poss in whatever way possible as this situation will only make you feel worse about yourself, do you have friends or family that would be willing to help you out while you found a job and a place of your own? I know its not always ideal but places like mcdonalds will be looking for summer staff to help out, maybe even local pubs.
Plus if your dad hits you and your mum won't stand up for you then you could be in danger.
Much love hun I really hope this gets better for you soon.

[brigadier]

Hi Mosh, your post brought back to me how miserable I was as a teenager and how frustrated I was in trying to leave home and the horrible situation I had there. I think its probably the case that whilst you are at home with your parents then you will struggle to regain self esteem because your relationship with them has deteriorated so much that they are attacking you verbally and eroding your confidence.
So what to do? You need to leave home, find a job and regain self worth. Easy to type but hard to achieve I know but what about trying to find a live in position somewhere, at a horse yard or something similar. Or even consider joining an organisation such as the Army. Its drastic but it will achieve two things that you desperately need, self worth and independance- only then might your relationship with your parents have a chance and you will have a plan to get your life on track. I was a fat desperate teenager with attitude (not always the right one!) and to find myself I had to leave home.
Hope this helps Mosh, I truly do because I feel for you and hope you find a solution.

[duckles]

Mosh I am really sorry to hear how unhappy you are- . All I can say is that I often think the teens and early twenties can be the unhappiest times but life usually does get better as you get older. I think Brig's advice is good- its hard to find yourself at the best of times but almost impossible if you are being pulled down constantly and don't have support from your family. However, you may have friends or relatives who are more aware of what is going on than you think and might be able to help you out so it might be worth thinking of approaching them for advice or support in becoming more independant. God bless, Mosh - don't give up, there is a great future out there for you.

[florence]

What an awful situation to be in. Huge hugs to you, Mosh. Your "loving" parents obviously don't know about your achievements with Rosie.

I do agree with Brig that you have to get away from them and their destructive comments. Your posts on here show you have great strength of character so I hope you can find a way to do it and make a new, happier life for yourself.

[mossh]

I'm looking at ways to move out. Was threatening to do a "karly" and get myself pregnant and get a house. I am only joking!!! Kids scare me far too much to do that!!! Like if one cries I will carry them back to their parents saying "I've broken it!" but I do need to get out of here, As soon as I find a job I'm going to find a room in a house somewhere so I can move out and move on from there. I don't want to be a burden to my family as some of them are ill and some of them I just don't like!!
My dad doesn't really care what I do, hes seen me ride 3 times in 14 years!! My mum at least used to come and watch me ride but if I tell her about the horses now she just doesn't listen or seem to care. They seem to favour my brothers and their football, they will nearly always go to see them both play and will drive them to the other end of the county and beyond (60 mile one way trip once!) but moan if I ask for a lift down the road (okay 5.7 miles!!)

I don't think my mum really means it but its an easier life for her and my little brother if she agrees as my dad is a bully and a control freak as I very helpfully told him today.... whoops!! That was the least of what I said mind, they were both supposed to watch me ride tomorrow but I told them not to bother because I'd rather they just left me alone to enjoy my hobby if they can't be supportive!

And I know I have an attitude and like you said Brig its not always a good one but if I try being all nice I get accused of doing something wrong and if I ignore them I get accused of being insolent and miserable...can't bleddy win!! If I shout and scream least they pay attention to something I'm saying.

[Jen]

Aug 7, 2010 22:54:44 GMT @mossh said:

If I shout and scream least they pay attention to something I'm saying.

that was exactly what i was thinking right now.

i know exactly how you feel mossh as i am going through a similar thing right now, except i want to leave and the parents wont let me yet it is argument after argument.

do you have a friend who would let you kip on the sofa in return for doing say the housework/cooking until you can get a job and your own place to live???

and like lucy says, maccy dees are always taking extra people on in summer, it might not be the best job but the people are class and the money can be pretty good too.

[crazymare]

have you been to the council told them your situation they may be able to help i know where we live they have loads of help for young adults from counciling with the parents to shared housing.as your day has hit you before you have very good reason to go to them and tell they your worried its getting to the stage of it happening again.big hugs sweetie and good luck.x

[jane]

I am so sorry to hear this Mosh, I really hope you can sort this out. The others have given you some good advice about trying to leave, it does seem that this would be the best thing for you.

Hugs and love xxx

[mossh]

When I get a job sorted or my JSA comes through I'm going to try and stay with my friend at the weekend. Hes my oldest bestest friend and hes been through it before so he knows. In fact I'm spending tonight with him and some other friends so I can get out the house for a while. Going to look at going to the council now and see what they say!!
Applying for every single job I can find, 15 this week ! Hopefully I'll be out of here soon

[kitcat]

Big hugs Mosh. That is really harsh for you. Do you still fall within the Connexions age group? They are there specifically for young people (generally 13-19 yrs though) and are not just careers related. Take care of yourself.

[mossh]

no, I'm 20 now so don't really fall into connexions anymore. Apparently there is a group set up for 20-24 year olds but nobody in the job centre knows when/where/who at the minute!!!

Had a good weekend, due to the fact I've not really been home!

[brigadier]

Stonham Housing used to do accomodation for young people, fairly sure it was a National setup. Its been sometime since I had dealing with them so not sure if they still exist but its a starting point. Theres another group that do a similar thing but cant think who they are at moment- twill come to me later and will post name. Also I think English Churches Housing do various schemes throughout the country, its sheltered accomodation and is restrictive but again its a start. If you contact your local Citizens Advice they will give you details of all schemes operating in your area.

[mossh]

thanks for that Brig, will look into all of those in the morning. All sounds pretty good and helpful!! Failing that I'm pretty sure my friend would let me crash at his some weekends. Our weekends would be really messy though!! Bad influences on each other !
I've got a few busy weekends planned which means I'm out of the house at least!! Its not very helpful having to go on benefits and being told your a waste of space because of it. Not sure what I'm supposed to do though, hope a money tree grows at the bottom of the garden?
I actually cried when i had to go the job centre to sign on!! was so humiliating and felt like crap!! But it means I've got 50 a quid a week in my pocket so I can carry on learning to drive and still have some cash to save up. And to get a new phone since I don't have one now !!

I'm sure I'll get there, would help so much if my dad stopped drinking!! But then I'd get called a hypocrite because I do like to drink, but not to that excess!

[mossh]

there is a small update up the top x

[brigadier]

Mosh you have to leave, did you get anywhere with the accomodation leads?

[mossh]

I kind of got on with accommodation things but as things are so varying at home, I am seen as in no immediate danger and therefore not a high priority, also as I have no kids as well! Its a minefield with all this stuff and what they need, still trying to sort it all out now!
I can see why some people have dozens of kids though, so much easier for them. But for someone like me its quite difficult!

[mossh]

I know i've got a places to crash if i ever need to get away though so I'm okay if i ever need to run away.
Just my council doesn't seem that bothered by someone like me, but will happily give houses away willy nilly to some drugged up hooker! Sorry, just makes me angry! lol

Problem with living with someone with Bi polar is that this morning dad was an idiot but this evening he was fine and acting like nothing was wrong. Mum is trying to be all friendly but not ready for that yet.

[maximum]

Mosh - have you thought about trying for job as groom etc? so many of them have accomodation with the job - okay its not always the best but it is a roof over your head and money in nyour pocket and could lead to a very interesting career. Hunting yards are looking just now so maybe try looking in that area. Or with your guts how about Reschooling yards or dealer yards (not all bad). It may not be a long term solution but it would give you a home and independence.

[mossh]

Thats not a bad idea actually Maxi! Will look into tonight. This is where Horse and Hound comes in useful! Plus living in the middle of Quorn hunting country has its advantages!!
After more recent events, the quicker I move the better!

Would like to work on a good dealers yard. Would get to ride a variety of different horses I suppose. Nice to fall off something different for a change! lol! I am joking btw!

Off to HH i goooo!!!